"Here's My Heart Lord" David Crowder w/ lyrics Passion 2013

A New Heart

Online bible study.  When I first started following Women's Bible Cafe on Facebook it was because of their motivational and scripture posts.  I didn't really give much thought to joining an online bible study. It seemed like it would feel a little disconnected not actually sitting next to the women I would be doing a study with. I used to lead women's ministry in my previous church and led bible studies in my home so that is always what I envisioned bible study to be. I logged in Wednesday morning excited to see how this would work.  It was great!  The women in my group were so open and honest and kind.  One thing I realized for me is that not being face to face allowed me to be more open because I didn't feel I had to worry about judgement from my peers.  These ladies didn't know me or my past...we were all just there for each other at that moment.  I'm excited!

Now on to day one....."The Miracle of a New Heart"

 Proverbs 27:19 - "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."

Below are a couple of excerpts that stood out and then I will share my thoughts...

"Rather than living a full life, we will settle for an empty life and get into the groove of living for two masters...God and self."

This means in order for us to have the abundant life Christ came to give we cannot have a divided heart.

"New heart is kept in proper rhythm by the truth found in God's Word and by daily surrender to the Father."

If we want a new heart we must spend time in God's Word daily and also allow God to be Lord of our life...DAILY.

"For faith to be genuine our heart must be centered, focused and intentionally loyal to God"

"The Faith Dare" is a 30 day study to grow our faith and our relationship with Christ so in order to do that we must intentionally give our heart to God each day.

Throughout the introduction and parts 1 and 2, God kept confirming this is where I need to be.  As I read day 1, I realized something I'm pretty sure I've always known and embarrassed to admit.  My HEART IS DIVIDED.  Not just between God and self but a lot of little compartments too.  At the end we were asked to journal three different things and one was "Today's truth is speaking to me...."  I learned that all the hurts and disappointments of this life have caused me to build up walls.  In my mind I figured that if I didn't ever truly give my whole heart to anyone or anything it wouldn't hurt as bad when it went wrong.  I knew this.  What I didn't know is that I even used those walls with God.  If I don't let Him have all of me then when He doesn't answer that prayer the way I think it should be or when He doesn't deliver me from this situation then it wouldn't hurt as bad.  What did this get me?  It got me an empty relationship with empty prayer...never having the faith to believe my prayers would change anything.  I have lived my life with "Dead Faith".  I don't want this anymore! God doesn't want this for me.  The word says that "Everything is possible for the person who has faith." (Mark 9:23) I don't want to just know this verse...I want to live it!   I also learned that it has been easy to carry on this way because I don't truly know the character of God because I haven't spent enough time in His Word getting to know Him.  So here we go...not only will this be about growing my faith but it will be about getting to know my God. Afterall, you can't have faith in someone you don't know on a deep level.

In the book, we learn some about who God is right in day one.

GOD IS......compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.(Ps. 86:11-13)

Psalm 86 

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord, my God, with all my heart, I will glorify your name forever.  For great is your love toward me, you have delivered my soul from the depths of the grave.

 

We were also asked what God is asking us to do.  I knew right away....God wants me to trust Him with my heart.  He wants me to let the walls down.  He wants me to believe He wants the best for me and He wants me to stand firm even when I don't know the "why's".  I know change won't come overnight but I also know that God will continue to work on me til the end.  He will never leave me and He will never quit on me.  I pray that I will allow Him to change my heart on a daily basis and that with His help the walls will come down.

New Beginnings

The Knot Prayer
Dear God, Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart, and my life. Remove the have nots, cannots, and do nots. Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart. Release me from the could nots, would nots, should nots that obstruct my life..And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life all of the “am nots” that I have allowed to hold me back. Especially the thought that I am not good enough. Amen- Unknown

Once again it has been quite a while since I have blogged but just as the title of my blog suggests....life is always a journey.  Often there just isn't enough time to do all that I would love to do during the day and with all the chaos with my running injury, my husband's job loss the first of the year and the usual working mom things, I honestly just haven't felt much like sharing.  I am once again embarking on the journey to 26.2 and believing in faith that this time I will reach my goal without injury.  Another journey that I am very excited about is The Faith Dare bible study I will begin next week.  I have asked my friends to be praying for my commitment to this study and that I will train spiritually as committed as I have been training physically and that I will see this study through til the end.  My hope is that I will be a "Water Walker"(Matt. 25-27) by the time this study is over!
http://www.womensbiblecafe.com/2013/06/30-day-faith-dare-with-debbie-alsdorf-starts-july-29-2013/

Training Begins

Today is the first day of 12 weeks of training in order to get ready for my 2nd half marathon.  Today's workout was all about the legs and abs.  It was pretty much the same leg workout we have done for the past three months except we increased in weight today.  So here is the breakdown:

LEGS:

3 sets leg press 130 lbs.

3 sets machine kickbacks 35 lbs.

3 sets seated hamstring curl 65 lbs

3 sets stiff legged deadlift 50 lb barbell

3 sets leg extension- 2 sets at 85 lbs, 1 set 90 lbs

3 sets outer abductors 85 lbs

3 sets inner abductors 85 lbs.

3 sets calf raises 35 lbs - 1 set toes straight, 1 toes pointed out, 1 toes pointed in

ABS:

3 sets weighted crunches on decline bench with 10 lbs.

3 sets leg lifts

3 sets side bends on chair with 12 lbs.

3 sets standing side bends with 12 lbs.

The next 12 weeks is going to be all about pushing my body to new limits and also learning to eat in order for my body to have the proper amount of fuel to keep up with all the training.  The eating part is definitely going to be my biggest challenge.  The more I read the more confused I get...lol.  Besides that, this girl likes to have a candy bar or cupcake from time to time :).  Anyway, I'm going to journal the process...what works and doesn't work.  This way I can look back and see my progress and what foods worked and what didn't.  Maybe it will help someone else too.

Talk to you tomorrow!

I surrender...

This morning during my devotion the Lord really spoke to me.  Not only about forgiveness which was the topic of the devotion but on a couple of other things.  One being my salvation.  I grew up in church. For as far back as I remember, if it was Sunday or Wednesday, I was in church.  I remember being at a revival when I was seven at the Gardendale High School football stadium and at the end of the sermon seeing a lot of people going down to the bottom and praying.  I asked my daddy what they were doing and he said that many of them were asking Jesus to come into their hearts.  He asked me if I wanted to do that and of course I said yes...I mean what little girl who has learned about Jesus all her short life doesn't want that.  I prayed that prayer with my child like faith and was baptized within a couple of weeks.  Life for me at seven went on as normal.  Then in 1989 while away at church camp, I remember being moved by the Spirit that I needed to give my life to Christ which I thought I had done many years before as a young child but nevertheless, the push was strong and couldn't be denied.  So once again I gave my life to Christ but this time I wasn't baptized.  It wasn't long after this that my parents divorced and as if that wasn't enough, was deeply hurt by the church I was attending.  I quit going to church at 14.  I went on to live my life as a typical teenager.  I don't want to say that I turned my back on God but I did turn my back on His church.  I wanted nothing to do with a place that could treat me and my mother that way and call themselves Christians.  Over the course of my teen years I did a lot of things I am not too proud of ....did things that I knew I shouldn't and I overlooked the convictions of the Holy Spirit.  I prayed but mostly when I needed something from God.  I look back now and realize that His hand never left me and that it is because of His love and mercy that I am where I am now.  It wasn't until my daughter was about 8 years old that I went back to church.  She had been going with my grandmother and one day, God said to me..."It isn't your grandmother's responsibility to have Mikaela in church.  I have given that responsibility to you and Michael."  We both knew this was true and did just that.  We found a place and began taking our children to church.  The Lord really began to do a work in my life there.  I found a place to serve and both my children prayed to receive Christ and were baptized there.  For a time I served as the women's ministry leader and I loved it!  Now during this time, the Lord began reminding me to follow in believer's baptism and I just kept saying..."But Lord what will people think? What ministry leader hasn't been baptized...people will talk."  I didn't do what He told me to do because of my ego and worry of what others would think of me.  It's been a little over two years since that initial prodding and A LOT has happened.  I have begged and pleaded to understand all that has gone on.  I have gotten pretty mad at times too.  All that has been accomplished is that I have found myself doubting my salvation over and over again.  Going over and over it in my mind but being sure to tell no one because...what would they think of me. Afterall, I had been a ministry leader.  I led bible studies.  Today, in a devotion about forgiveness, I learned by identity is in Christ not others and who cares what others may say.  Isn't my eternity and God's sacrifice of His son more important than what others think of me?  Today, I learned that my prayer in 89 was real but I had treated it as a "fire-insurance policy"....that I had never truly surrendered my life.  Today, I surrendered my life!!! I say all this because I wonder how many people make professions of faith at a young age and then as they get older never really deal with the Lord about their salvation because they worry what others will think.  That was me. Without really knowing how to say this, my salvation experience has been a growing process.  I prayed a prayer at 7 because I loved the stories about God and Jesus and wanted Him to be in my heart.  As a young teen, understanding more about who Jesus was and what He did for me I prayed that prayer again.  Today, as an adult, with even more understanding, I surrendered my life.  And when we find the new church home God has for us, I will be baptized not worrying about what others think but instead, to show my Heavenly Father how proud I am that I am His child.

Isn't it amazing what God will do in our lives thru a simple devotion :)

James 1:12

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12 (NIV 1984)


I often find myself worried about tomorrow...worried about next month...just worried in general.  I try to remind myself that I am not alone.. that I don't have to face this by myself ... that I don't have to rely on myself to fix everything.  But yet every time the life lesson comes my way, I take it on by myself...I rely on my strengths to fix it.  It isn't until it is out of control that I take it to God...in a panic!!!! Needing an immediate fix...knowing that sometimes that immediate fix may not happen...that there is a lesson in the waiting...that there is an opportunity for growth in the waiting.


My devotion this morning was from Proverbs 31 ministries and it included the verse referenced above.  In the devotion I was reminded that so many times I focus on the trial instead of the ONE who is going to carry me through it.  I know that God is calling me to a renewed dependence and surrender.  He is calling me to Him.  In Deutoronomy 31:8 He reminds me that He will never leave me or forsake me.  He reminded me that just because my prayer isn't being answered immediately or at all doesn't mean that He isn't listening, acting on my behalf or at my side but instead that He has something for me learn and something better in store for me than what I want or am asking for.  Maybe it's time that I stop just claiming Jeremiah 29:11 as my life verse and start believing it!


Dear Heavenly Father,

You know the struggles we face today.  They are not new.  They are the same struggles we have had for 13 years.  Lord, I bring them to you today because I am so tired of being in the same place.  I seek your guidance and your will.  I don't seek my fix for this situation any longer but yours and I ask that you would give us the strength we need to walk thru this valley and get to the mountain top.  Help us to have discipline and will power to change the things in our behavior that need to change.  Lord, see us to financial peace.  Forgive us for not being good stewards of your many blessings and help us to change that starting today.  Thank you for the trials that have brought us to this place..that are bringing us closer to you and to one another.  Lord, continue to remind us daily that we do not face these challenges alone and that Your love for us is CONSTANT and that our circumstances are not a reflection of a changing love or Your absence. Help us to wait on You, to trust in You and to depend on You.  I love you!  In Jesus Name, AMEN